Monday, 29 April 2013

Enough with the f$%&ing chicken fingers!

Tomorrow will be our two year wedding anniversary.  I think it's pretty safe to say, like many infertiles, our first couple of years of marriage haven't exactly worked out the way we thought they would.  We had about 6 months of wedded bliss before we started TTC, and it's been a reproductive roller coaster ever since then.  But on the plus side, we're still talking to each other and no one has filed for a restraining order just yet.

This weekend we went for an early anniversary dinner at one of my favourite restaurants.  If you're ever in Toronto and looking for a recommendation, you should definitely try to get a reservation at Ruby Watchco.  It's run by former Food Network celebrity chef Lynn Crawford, and the concept is that they source local, seasonal ingredients to make a different set four-course menu every night.  They do of course make allowances for food allergies and legitimate dietary restrictions, but otherwise there's no choice and what's on the menu for that day is what you get.  Everything I've ever had there has been fantastic, and at $50 for four courses cooked by a celebrity chef (who is actually there every night, working the kitchen and cleaning your table like a regular joe), it's a pretty sweet deal.

The first time we went there for dinner last year, M demonstrated both why I married him and why I can't take him anywhere nice.  I had filled him in on the concept for the restaurant ahead of time, so he knew damn well there was no choice involved.  That didn't stop him from starting, a couple of days before our reservation, from talking about how much he was looking forward to going out because he had a hankering for chicken fingers.  This from a man who without fail orders either steak or ribs no matter where we go.  I wryly reminded him (several times) that chicken fingers were unlikely to be what Chef Crawford would be cooking for us that evening.

The night of the actual dinner, the real comedy routine began.  First, there was his overstated childlike anticipation of being able to order chicken fingers no matter what I said to the contrary.  

M: I can't wait to order me some chicken fingers!
Me: Yeah, well, like I said, you can't order there. 
M: I've had a real craving for chicken fingers all week.
Me: That's unfortunate, because like I told you, we won't be having chicken fing...
M: They're gonna be the best chicken fingers ever!!

Then, there was his feigned disappointment when we arrived at the restaurant and the evening's menu inevitably did not include chicken fingers.  This quickly degenerated into overly dramatic belligerence at the fact that he couldn't order any Jesus chicken fingers.

M: What??  This place calls itself a restaurant??  They don't even have chicken fingers on the menu!!
Me:  No?  Shocker.  Well, too bad.
M: This is outrageous!  I demand to speak to the manager!  I want to see Ruby Watchco!  Someone bring me Ruby!
Me:  You mean Chef Crawford?
M:  No, I mean Ruby Watchco, the owner!  The one the restaurant is named after.  I want to talk to her.  Where is she?  Where's Ruby?
Me:  There's no Ruby.  And there's no fucking chicken fingers!

The best part was when, at some point during his diatribe, Lynn Crawford actually ended up coming out into the main dining area to put some clean glasses onto a waiter's station less than three feet from us.  I was quite enjoying his performance and was tempted to let him keep going, but eventually shushed him lest she overhear and wind up thinking that we actually were some pair of unsophisticated chicken-finger-demanding rubes as opposed to the sophisticated foodies I like to pretend we are.  Of course as soon as I told him where I wanted to go for our anniversary dinner this year, the everloving chicken finger bullshit started again.  Honestly, I think I would have been disappointed if it hadn't.

I play the part of the exasperated wife pretty well, but the reality is that his shenanigans make life worth living and I couldn't imagine things any other way.  While I still hope at some point we can welcome a child into our life, I know that even if we can't, we'll be OK.  As long as there's chicken fingers.

18 comments:

  1. Love the story!! Having a sense of humor is huge for surving the torment that is IF/RPL, so I'm glad you have such an awesome partner. Hoping Lynn Crawford overhears this year's version and surprises you both with some chicken fingers. And wishing you a very wonderful 2nd anniversary.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Such a cute story!! Happy anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  3. ROTFLMAO! Love this post and love your picture, even blurry you and M look so cute together! BTW this is my husband everytime we go out:
    "Can I wear shorts?"
    "Can I wear track suit bottoms?"
    "Can I wear jeans?"
    "Do I have to wear a tie?"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for the laugh this morning! Such a cute story :). Happy Anniversary!! xo

    ReplyDelete
  5. awww nice story :) funny guys are the best! Happy Anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This made me laugh out loud! That sounds SO MUCH like my husband, it's ridiculous. I also like to think I play the part of exasperated wife pretty well (and sometimes wonder how much is play and how much is real). I'm glad you had a good anniversary.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Our anniversaries are very close together. I laughed so hard while reading this post. I don't think I will ever be able to look at a chicken fingers without smiling :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha ha! Love your husband's sense of humour. :) Happy anniversary!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahahaha: "I want to see Ruby Watchco! Someone bring me Ruby!" That's the best. My hubby and I have been meaning to go to that restaurant since it opened, like YEARS ago. For some reason we always forget about it, I guess because we live in the west end. But I interviewed Lynn Crawford once and really loved her -- she's a bit sassy on TV, but in real life is very down to earth and just hilarious. And she genuinely is obsessed with food. Thanks for the reminder -- I will make a point of booking a reservation next week!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now you have me hungry for chicken fingers!!

    Happy anniversary! I could definitely see my husband doing this same routine and me getting frustrated with him. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gorgeous! Happy anniversary!

    ... and now I want chicken fingers. Or really anything fried with honey mustard on the side.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Happy anniversary!! This is hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy Anniversary! I love this story. Sounds like you two have a lot of fun together.

    ReplyDelete
  14. super cute! it is so important to have perspective! it is essential that you still enjoy each others company while it is just the two of you!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy belated anniversary! Sounds like you two have a good thing going. And good for him for sticking to the bit!

    ReplyDelete
  16. aw. i have an equally shenanigan-loving husband. i do a lot of eye rolling and heavy sighing, but i wouldn't have it any other way. happy anniversary, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Happy anniversary! Hope you had a great dinner, besides the fact that your husband couldn't get his chicken fingers. He sounds a lot like my husband who tries to be goofy all the time. It is annoying and exasperating at times, but I love his sense of humor and I would miss his silly ways if I didn't have him in my life.

    ReplyDelete

I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!