Monday, 8 April 2013

Moving foward

Today is CD1.  I didn't bother to update you guys, but obviously the clinic confirmed my BFN at my beta on Friday and I stopped my estrogen and progesterone.  As much as it sucks that this cycle didn't work, I certainly won't miss squirting Crinone up my hoo-ha twice a day.  That shit is nasty on the way back out.  I don't think I'll be able to look at fresh mozzarella cheese quite the same ever again.  And I've now also ruined it for everyone else.  You're welcome!

We've made our WTF appointment with the RE for tomorrow.  I expect there to be much discussion of my lousy egg quality and how it was likely to blame for our failure.  In anticipation, I'm planning to ask my RE for a prescription (yup, required here in Canada) for DHEA.  I've just read too much good stuff about this supplement and its positive effects on egg quality in women with DOR not to try it.  I had previously asked my RE about it but was told that they prefer to try CoQ10 first, which I've been on since last August but clearly to no avail.  I don't see why you can't do both, and I imagine most people do, but I think my clinic views it as a one-or-the-other thing.  Regardless, I'm excited to give it a try, and I have to stop myself from getting too enthusiastic or viewing it as the "magic pill" that will fix everything.  It may not work for me.  But at this point there's no real downside, so I expect that's the route we'll go.

Seeing as how it takes about four months for DHEA to reach full potency in the body, I think we'll be taking a bit of a break from fertility treatments for a while.  We'll still try naturally, since I haven't quite given up hope of a DHEA-induced spontaneous pregnancy.  But I'm not going to be tracking my period or taking my temperature or any of the rest of it.  I think we both need a bit of a mental and emotional break from the turmoil we've been going through, so we're just going to have sex whenever we want to like a normal couple and see what happens.  I fully expect we'll be back on the IVF train in the fall.

In the meantime, I haven't really been allowing myself to dwell too much on our failure.  Obviously, the couple of days following my negative test were pretty horrible.  But I know myself well enough by now to realize that treating myself gently is one thing, whereas allowing myself to sink into a total funk is another.  I spent the better part of 2012 doing the latter, and I'm not going to let it happen again.  So I've kind of been kicking my own ass to get myself up and moving and feeling normal again, and strangely enough I've found it's been working.  I've jumped whole hog back into my fitness routine (although it's amazing how much cardio conditioning you can lose after just one week of inactivity) and I'd like to start working towards running a Spartan Race in the summer.  M and I also spent this weekend doing something that we've been wanting to do for ages, but put off for a long time while we waited to have children.  We're not waiting anymore.  But you'll just have to be in suspense for a little bit longer as to what I'm talking about!

23 comments:

  1. CD1 sucks. But your attitude is awesome. Enjoy your break from the madness, I'm on a break, too. What a RELIEF for a bit!

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    1. Thanks. To be honest I don't always feel like I have an awesome attitude, more like I'm faking it. But the alternative is horrible, so I'm just trying to keep going for now.

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  2. Echo the notion that your attitude is awesome, glad to hear you and M are taking care of each other and a break can be refreshing! I don't have high hopes for my IUI cycles, so we'll likely be doing IVF cycles this autumn too!
    NB - did I inspire the use of the word hoo-ha? if so, love that it is catching on in Canada!

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    1. Hoo-ha, vajayjay, I have no idea where they come from, but I'm always looking for new nicknames!

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  3. I was on DHEA 50 mg and Co Q 10 for one month prior to my last IVF in December and it was my best cycle yet, egg-wise. While it didn't end up making me get pregnant, I did get the most eggs that cycle and all of them fertilized! It's definitely worth a shot!! xo

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    1. Thanks, that's what I keep thinking too!

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  4. I think that trying anything that could possibly help is the way to go. I have switched my vitamin regimen up several times trying to find what works for me. I also have egg quality issues.

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    1. Any other suggestions of stuff I should try? I'm all ears.

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  5. Good luck with the DHEA! I am so glad to hear that you are doing your best to not let yourself fall into a funk. That is so hard to do! I hope you get your BFP very soon, and in the meantime I am excited to hear what you and hubby have on the go!

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  6. What on earth did you guys do that you won't tell us about?! Marathon hot tub session? Smoke a pack of cigarettes? Yeah, it's funny about the DHEA thing here -- I was looking into taking that, too, but it seemed like a pain in the ass to source it. If your RE has reservations about prescribing it, I'm pretty sure you can get a naturopath to hook you up (at least that's what my naturopath implied). Also, I did not know that about Crinone... eeeewwww...

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    1. Turns out I had to go to a special compounding pharmacy up on Isabella to get it, and it's not covered by insurance. Just over $100 for a three month supply. Gotta do what you gotta do!

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  7. I hear you on the Crinone. That stuff is awful.

    Glad to hear you have a plan for the WTF appointment. I think it always helps to know what you're advocating for. I'll also echo what others are saying about your attitude being awesome. I think you have a plan and I hope your RE works with you to get you on a protocol that will lead to good news very soon.

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    1. Thanks! I agree, it's important to have a plan for yourself as much as anything.

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  8. Sometimes taking a break is the best thing you can do. I hope you and M enjoy the time off.

    As for DHEA, I have quite a bit of it if you'd like me to send it to you. I stocked up on it while I was in the US last year. I don't know if it was the DHEA or Femara or both, but I got pregnant within a month of starting it. So, you never know....Anyway, feel free to send me an email if you'd like it: aboutsproutblog@gmail.com

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    1. I may take you up on that when my current three month stash runs out. I'm hesitant to get someone in the US to send it up, but within Canada would be different. Anyway, thanks for the offer and I'll let you know!

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  9. I fully believe DHEA helped me. I could ship you some DHEA from the states. Do they check for that at the border???

    A break sounds like a good idea. But, I am also glad to hear you want to try again. Enjoy your time and I am really curious now about what you did this weekend....

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    1. No idea, but I have to admit I'd be a little nervous...I'm not sure if it's illegal to bring something up from the US if you need a prescription here? But thanks for the offer!

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  10. Crinone - shudder, shudder. I hate that stuff, although I really didn't need the comparison to mozzarella cheese. Lol

    You do need at least 2 months to get the benefits from DHEA, so I say enjoy that break! Sounds like you already are! That's not nice keeping us in suspense like that. Looking forward to that story :)

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  11. UGH. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you!

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  12. Mozzarella....brilliant. Thanks for your candor and best of luck with all that us to come!

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I'm needy and your comments validate me. Help a sister out!